Truth & Objectivity

Can you explain the relationship betwen truth and objectivity? These so-called pseudo-Scientists, the philosophers, have not been able to clear this up for me much less for themselves. Is there really any such thing as either one?

Dear Academented,

I can certainly understand your confusion and can sympathize with your distrust of philosophers. The term "philosopher" can best be understood by examining its origins. The word is Greek: "philo" means "to fill up"; "soph" refers to a large, overstuffed couch (a "sofa" is the female form); "er" means "one who does." Thus, a philosopher is someone who fills up a large couch. Then, as now, philosophers were wont to sit around all day, wearing leather patched elbow togas, smoking foul-smelling pipes. No knowledge was ever derived from them. They were put to best use by swordsmiths who utilized philosophers' bodies to temper their blades. It ruined the sofas, however.

Objectivity is what a Scientist must have. It means "having lots of objects." Scientists need objects on which to experiment. No objects, no experiments, no Science Foundation grants. Truth is what the Scientist arrives at when he has found the correct experiment to support his hypothesis. Objectivity leads to Truth.

Glad to help out,
Dr. Nucleus