TV

My mother is always hollering at me to stay back away from the TV when I am watching it. When I ask her why, she just says, "'Cause I say so!" Can you give me a better reason that this?

Dear Jamey,

Learning to accept the reason "'Cause I say so!" is essential to becoming a great Scientist. Where would we be if we had to continually prove the Five Laws of Thermodynamics? How much lab work could we get in if we had to reinvent the Bunsen burner every morning? Why do these thing work? 'Cause somebody smart, like a Scientist, says so! Start listening to your mother, Jamey, lest you slide into a life of sin and degradation or, worse, become a lawyer.

Kindly Doc Nucleus will help you with your question, however.

It is imperative that all viewers of cathode ray tubes (pronounced: TEE-VEEZ) remain a safe distance away, say 25 feet, while watching them. The reason is obvious once you know what to look for. With the unit unplugged to prevent mishap, run your finger across the glass screen. Now look at your finger; is there dust or dirt on it? Ceratinly! That dust is being sucked into the tube through microscopic holes in the vacuum tube. In order for the cathode rays, electronically charged forms of Silly String, to reach the glass face, an intense vacuum must be drawn on the TV tubes. This vacuum renders the tube extremely dangerous. Even a fly landing the wrong way on the tube face can cause an immediate puncture in the glass and another unsuspecting viewer is pulled into a grisly death at the cathode. If you must watch TV, for Science's sake, wear a seat belt and a crash helmet. Better yet, unless you are a trained Scientist and paid to take these risks, better just listen to radio.

Glad to help mothers everywhere,
Dr. Nucleus