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| The relationship I always imagined | Coffee beat is a nervous grind | Is everyone having more sex than you? | Forty years of love and sex | The Smartness Experiment |
 Forty years of love and sexModern Timezby Stan Sinberg Love ain't what it used to be. And I'm not just saying that because instead of spending Valentine's Day holed up somewhere happily cooing with my sweetie, I, recently given the heave-ho, rapturously spent the day fantasizing about the Valentine's Day Massacre. No. Attitudes and rules toward love keep changing. For proof, you need look no further than a typical "advice to the lovelorn"" column, with sage advice from the 1950s, 1960s and 1990s. "I am 16 years old and in love with Tony. Tony wants me to go all the way. I don't want to, but Tony says if I loved him, I would prove it. What should I do?" 1950s answer: Ask Tony to prove his love for you by respecting your decision to remain a virgin until you're married. The only thing Tony "proves" is that he's too immature for a gem like you! 1960s answer: Tony wants you to go with the flow, let it all hang out and trust the vibes. Right now you are too uptight to do this. Ask Tony to help you loosen up. Sex is groovy. 1990s answer: Is Tony willing to use a condom? Has he been tested for AIDS? Is he sleeping with anyone else? You don't have to prove anything to Tony, but if you decide to have sex with him, ask him to prove these things to you! "I'm a 49 -year-old manager of a small office. My new secretary, Doreen, is really pretty. I have a crush on her, but I'm shy. Should I ask her out?" 1950s: Sure. She's probably dying to go out with a nice, quiet gentleman like yourself, with a respectable profession. What have you got to lose? 1960s: You work in an office? All day? What -- with those hermetically sealed windows? No wonder you can't get a date! Drop out and live a little! 1990s: WHAT'RE YOU -- CRAZY? DON'T YOU READ THE PAPERS? YOU |
WANT TO BE SUED FOR SEXUAL HARASSMENT? Listen, lock yourself in your office and communicate with Doreen by Dictaphone. And don't use the word "Dictaphone." "My girlfriend wants to have sex in public places. On the beach, in a park, under a table in a restaurant. What do you make of this?" 1950s: Your girlfriend is clearly an exhibitionist with severe psychological problems. She should get counseling as soon as possible. And you should keep away. You could get arrested! 1960s: Your girlfriend may be trying to tell you she's interested in group sex, but is too shy to mention it. Invite another couple along next time, and see what happens! 1990: If you're using condoms (and you better be!), make sure you don't leave them on the beach afterward. They could be swallowed by birds or fish, causing them to die. "I'm having an affair with Alan. The problem is Alan is married. He says he wants to divorce his wife but she won't grant him one. What should I do?" 1950s: Sorry, you are being duped! No man is going to give up his wife, children and respectability to marry the cow when he's already getting the milk. 1960s: Boy, are you lucky! You get all the pleasure while Alan's wife mends his shirts, cooks his meals and picks up his underwear. Good work! 1990s: It's hard to say. You didn't say if you were male or female. "I am an 18-year-old woman and have never had an orgasm. What's wrong?" 1950s: Female orgasms are a myth. Don't ever mention this again. 1960s: Have you tried a vibrator? Masterbation? An orgone box? Ben-wa balls? Marijuana? Esalen? Rolfing? Primal therapy? Tantric yoga? 1990s: It is your birthright as a woman to have an orgasm. Show your lover EXACTLY what you want. If he can't or won't supply you with one, find someone who will. Remember: The unorgasmed life is not worth living. |
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