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| The relationship I always imagined | Coffee beat is a nervous grind | Is everyone having more sex than you? | Forty years of love and sex | The Smartness Experiment |
 The relationship I always imaginedModern Timezby Stan Sinberg I needed some relationship advice, so I called the Epsteins. Seven years ago, Alan Epstein walked into Diane Ginsberg's dating service as a client, and liked it so much, he married the company! Well actually, he married Diane. Since then, the two San Anselmo residents have been operating True Partners -- an old fashioned bay Area match-making service. It's "old-fashioned" because they don't employ videos. Diane and Alan interview clients for about 2 1/2 hours, and then personally make a match. The "chosen" speak on the phone, but don't see each other before meeting. "We want people to get past their pre-conceived ideas," Diane says. They take their work seriously, and also give "relationship workshops." So when I made a New Year's resolution to have a lasting relationship in 1994 (a la '93, '92, '91....), I called DIane for advice. "One thing I recommend," she said, "Is to clear a space in your life for another person. Many people are so busy, and have so much clutter, that they don't have room for a relationship. If you make room, when you meet that person, they can fit right in. "I also suggest acting as if you're already in love. Buy flowers, cook a candlelit dinner for two. It sounds outrageous, but if you prepare for another person, they'll show up." Sort of a love "Field of Dreams." So I took Diane's advice for a week. Here is my report: Day 1: I bound jauntily into the Roastery. "Congratulate me!" I announce joyfully. "I'm in love!" "Who's the lucky girl?" someone asks. "I have no idea," I answer ecstatically. "I haven't met her yet!" |
Everyone looks at me really weird. "I think this time it's for real," I add. Day 2: I make room for my new love. Empty some closets, clear some dresser drawers and a couple of refrigerator shelves. Lay out "his" and "hers" toothbrushes. I drive up to Costco. Now that I'm in a relationship, I can finally buy all those big cans of food I've been dreaming about. In the evening, I wait for my new sweetie, but she doesn't show up. Day 3: I go furniture-buying for us. I buy a sofa, loveseat, drapes. I see a rattan table I like, but I imagine my girlfriend thinks it's tacky. Our first fight. I spend a fortune. Hmmm. She has expensive tastes, this woman. What does she think, I'm made of money? Day 4: I take "us" out to a classy restaurant. I get a private booth, and order a bottle of wine. Suddenly a beautiful woman approaches: "My name's Sonia. Can I join you?" "Sorry," I answer. "I'm waiting for someone." "Oh, that's too bad," Sonia says disconsolately, before walking away. Later, it hits me: "Schmuck! You weren't really waiting for someone. You were waiting for someone! Sonia was it! Day 5: I cook us a delicious fish and asparagus dinner. I light the candles, put on Sinatra, and wait for my new girlfriend. A couple of hours later, the fish is cold, the asparagus is wilting, and the candles are melting. Where is she? If she wasn't coming, the least she could do was call. Day 6: I want to go out with "the guys," but if my girlfriend shows up when I'm out, she'll probably get upset. I resent her being so possessive. "Listen," I say to nobody. "I need my space." Day 7: "I'm sorry," I say. "This isn't working." I take back my closet space. "I cook, clean, and wait for you, but I'm not getting anything back." I head back to the Roastery. "How's the girlfriend?" I'm asked. "It's over," I answer, sadly. "We weren't compatible." |
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