 Instantaneous He Won't Commit We Don't Own the Land Too Much Sex  Ask the Shaman Yourself |
He Won't Commit Dear Shaman: My boyfriend and I have been going together for almost four years. The last two we have been living together. I thought everything was progressing nicely and that eventually he would propose marriage. Wrong! Every time the marriage issue even pokes its head around the corner, all I hear is: " I'm just not ready." Do you have any ideas how to get him ready? Tired of "just girlfriend" Dear Tired: Western society loves to substitute words for feelings. Words are safe. Feelings are far more powerful and, from most American men's point of view, quite frightening. That's why men, more than women, use words like Significant Other, Domestic Partner, Live-in, or some other descriptive nonsense to keep them from confronting their feelings or lack of them. Your boyfriend, while unique to you, is increasingly typical of the American male's inability to allow and express profound feelings in intimate situations. You need to confront him on these issues. Force him to deal with those scary feelings about commitment, love, dependability, growth, and the future. Ask him exactly what it is that needs to be "ready"? Whatever your current financial, social, and family situation is, ask him how he sees that changing if you were married? Most likely it wouldn't. Make him feel! Tell him you're tired of playing house and ready to truly be part of one. If he can't step up to the plate and accept his feelings, you'll have to confront yours, and that may well mean it's time to look for a new batter. Tips for Staying in Touch Find a stone that talks to you... Take a stroll in the woods and simply, without goal orientation, begin to pick up stones or rocks that somehow catch your eye. When you pick up one that feels really good, for reasons you can't explain, you've found your talking stone. Keep it for its powerful positive energy in your life. |
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